Helpful Articles

Stuck On Wide Open: The Hidden Dangers of Emotional Dysregulation

May 2nd, 2012

Emotional regulation, or the ability to manage one’s emotions, is perhaps the most dramatically visible and the prototypical feature of human personality. Many people appear to be mostly in command of their emotions at critical moments, while others appear to be particularly (and sometimes explosively) reactive to environmental and interpersonal challenges. In general, affective or emotional instability, inordinate bursts of anger, intense efforts to avoid real or perceived abandonment, and unstable interpersonal relationships point to a hidden problem of emotional dysregulation. This set of features has been popularized as belonging to “drama queens,” or persons who tend to react to every situation in an overly dramatic or exaggerated manner. However, dramatic manifestations occur only in some individuals; for others, emotional dysregulation remains hidden, with no overt outbursts, while the psychological battle for self-control rages inside.

Sometimes, instances of emotional dysregulation in children (“acting out” behaviors) or in adults under the most severe stressors can be viewed as the only available response in circumstances in which overwhelmingly strong emotion must be expressed, such as in the context of an emotionally abusive family environment or in times of great personal upheaval.

A large body of research suggests that alcohol use can increase underlying emotional disturbance and disrupt cognitive functions that are very important in emotional self-regulation. Support for this hypothesis comes from studies that find associations between alcohol use and short- and long-term emotional change. In the short term, alcohol can disrupt emotional stability by effectively removing barriers against violence, verbal abuse, and inappropriate behaviors. In the long term, alcohol dependence and addiction can create a false persona in which it becomes difficult if not impossible to distinguish between the individual’s genuine personality traits and those modified or instigated by alcohol use.

Emotional disorders, particularly when they are characterized by pervasive emotional dysregulation, are often characterized by high negative emotionality and low positive emotionality. A significant challenge in trying to downregulate negative emotions is to become less vulnerable to negative or distressing emotions, with the objective of increasing calmness and resilience in stressful situations.

What Causes (And Cures) Emotional Dysregulation

The amygdala has been implicated in emotional dysregulation, aggressive behavior, and psychiatric illnesses such as depression. Anxiety disorders and dysregulation may be the result of too much activity in the amygdala and not enough activity in the prefrontal cortex (PFC), which is the executive center of the brain that sets boundaries of behavior and responds to criteria of calm, assertiveness, and emotional regulation.

Stress, coupled with a genetic vulnerability, decreases the production of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF). BDNF is a protein that acts on the nervous system by helping the survival of existing neurons and promoting the growth and differentiation of new neurons and synapses. A reduction in BDNF production causes a thinning of neuronal structures, which can results in emotional disturbance. These structural changes make the prefrontal limbic governing system vulnerable to disruption and dysregulation. Thus, emotional stress, loss, or other significant psychological factors cause the system to lose self-regulation.

Treatments such as counseling coupled with antidepressant medications, a good regimen of exercise, sensible nutrition and good social support can reverse this process, increase the production of BDNF, renew neuronal growth, build more resilient self-regulating circuits, and return the individual to a healthy mood and re-build good self-management skills.

To achieve better emotional regulation, biological change and contextual change are needed. Biological change is achieved by reducing individual reactivity to emotional stimuli. Even when this reactivity may be due to genetic dispositions (temperament) and early developmental experiences (nurture), most people can learn ways to better control their emotional expression. There is a combination of skills and interventions that is particularly helpful in promoting biological homeostasis and emotional stability. These include treating any underlying physical illness that may have a negative effect on mood, balancing nutrition and eating to replenish and maintain physical resources, staying off non-prescribed mood-altering substances, getting sufficient but not excessive sleep, and getting adequate physical exercise.

Better self-managemeht skills include learning and practicing emotional resiliency, which is the ability to minimize negative effects of stressful events and situations, and to maximize the positive effects of positive outcomes and opportunities. The skill of resiliency is learned and reinforced by intentionally accumulating positive life events, i.e., making a conscious and deliberate catalog of what’s positive in one’s life and referring to it often until it is present and readily available in time of need. It also consists of acquiring practical psychological tools that build a sense of generalized mastery and promote self-esteem, e.g., completing school, obtaining additional job training, taking an assertiveness course, and the like. All these skills and tools can be learned and mastered at any age, most effectively with the help of a skilled counselor who can act as a guide and coach during this process.

Disorders of Emotional Regulation

PTSD, or posttraumatic stress disorder, is characterized by very significant emotional dysregulation. Its sufferers experience unwarranted arousal—often caused by stimuli processed outside of conscious awareness—and exhibit an exaggerated startle response, vivid intrusive thoughts, and flashbacks and nightmares related to past traumatic events. PTSD victims may frantically try to avoid physical or psychological reminders of their trauma, and may experience dissociative symptoms or emotional numbing. PTSD is a disorder of emotional dysregulation characterized by excessive fear, triggered by a severe and often life-threatening traumatic event.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is characterized by emotional dysregulation, the temporary but frequent inability to change or regulate emotional cues, experiences, actions, verbal responses, and nonverbal expressions. Individuals with BPD experience greater emotional sensitivity, greater emotional reactivity, and slower return to normal levels of arousal after intense stimulation.

Frontal lobe disorders, which have become rather common among combat survivors, are the product of traumatic brain injury and are characterized by emotional dysregulation, attention deficit, impulsivity, lack of inhibition, poor insight, impaired judgment, and low motivation. These frontal-subcortical disorders can result not only from war zone trauma, but also from infection, cancer, stroke, and neurodegenerative disease. Explosive violence, often directed at family members, is a common occurrence, particularly in individuals in whom impulsivity, disinhibition, and emotional dysregulation are the most dominant features.

Finally, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is characterized by emotional as well as cognitive dysregulation, brought on by a disruption of both the “thinking” prefrontal and the “feeling” paralimbic networks.

In these and other disorders that feature emotional dysregulation, it is interesting to note that the anatomic structures that are affected have emotional as well as cognitive functions. This coincidence highlights once again the close interdependence of affective and cognitive operations in the human brain. We can’t feel deeply without thinking intensely, and vice versa.

Posted by Couples & Relationships, Mark Zuccolo, Stress & Emotions, Summit Staff Blogs | Comments Off

Play Therapy: It’s Not Just Glorified Playtime

March 19th, 2012

Boy in Circle of ChildrenHave you ever noticed the glazed look your 9 year-old gives you when you begin to give a lecture or the way your 4 year-old begins looking around the room when you sit him or her down to have a “talk”? Have you noticed that when your 6 year-old attempts to tell you about her day at school, they rarely just use words? Their action figures get involved or their dolls and stuffed animals become characters in the storyline. This is because play is a child’s most natural form of communication, not words.

Play is an essential activity in life. As adults, most of our earliest memories involve play in some way. We may not remember details of when we were little, but most of us can remember what our favorite toy was or the games we liked to play with our friends. An infant’s earliest activities are also play related- peek-a-boo, this little piggy, tummy time, etc. Therefore, it is not surprising that play is one of the most natural and comfortable activities to engage in throughout childhood and beyond. In fact, children learn to play long before they learn to speak.

What is Play Therapy?

The Association for Play Therapy (APT) defines play therapy as, “the systematic use of a theoretical model to establish an interpersonal process wherein trained play therapists use the therapeutic powers of play to help clients prevent or resolve psychosocial difficulties and achieve optimal growth and development.” Play Therapy is based on the fact that play is a child’s language and toys are their words (Landreth, 2002). Children communicate their thoughts and feelings through play like adults use words. They don’t tell us, they show us. So often I hear parents tell me how intuitive their children are or how they seem notice things that you wouldn’t think they would notice. This goes to show that children’s cognitive abilities develop early while their verbal communication abilities are slower to progress. Therefore, when a child is struggling with social, emotional or behavioral issues, it just makes sense to use a child’s natural language to find solutions. Using play therapy breaks down the barriers of communication that exist for children. They are still learning what words mean and how to use them properly but using words to express themselves accurately and appropriately isn’t developed fully.
Play Therapy is creative by nature and is tailored to children and their individual needs. Therefore, the interventions and metaphors used during a session are uniquely designed to suite each particular child. A child’s interests are also often incorporated. Metaphors, analogies, and symbolism can be found anywhere. The death star from Star Wars can be used to represent anger. A playbook can be transformed from football plays to coping strategies for ADHD or anxiety. The transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly can be used to transform a child’s self-esteem. By making something interesting and familiar, it becomes more memorable and effective.

Therapeutic Play vs. Regular Play

Therapeutic play is more than just getting to play your favorite game. When a child enters the playroom, he/she is given the opportunity to express themselves in a way that they feel most comfortable, using such things as sand, puppets, dolls, knights, castles, art supplies and so much more. Their play has a purpose other than entertainment and having fun.

While play therapy is fun for the child involved, it also involves “work.” However, the work isn’t like school work. They use the toys to process and work through whatever it is they are struggling with utilizing symbolism, metaphors and analogies to express themselves accurately. A child might use an egg to represent feeling breakable, dragons may represent their anger (or an obnoxious sibling), fences or barriers may be a child’s way of feeling trapped or contained. Toys give children the freedom to express themselves in a way that makes sense to them when words just don’t seem to fit right. Play Therapy uses this form of expression to facilitate such things as healing, growth, and development.

The Importance of Safety and the Relationship

One of the most important aspects of play therapy, aside from the play space, is the relationship between the child and therapist. Like any therapeutic relationship, trust, safety and security are vital. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, a sense of safety and security is second only to food and shelter. Therefore, when children enter the therapeutic playroom, they won’t find a counselor sitting in a grown up chair looking down at them asking questions, like most other adults they know. Instead, they will see their counselor on the floor surrounded by toys and objects that speak their language. Rather than being told what to do and given a lot of rules to follow, they will be given the freedom to explore and decide how they want to spend their time. The first few play sessions with a child center around building trust and safety rather than jumping straight to the problem at hand. Once the rapport is built however, a child feels safe enough to begin diving into what has brought him/her to therapy. Then the next phase of therapy begins.

The Benefits of Play Therapy

Play therapy addresses a wide range of childhood issues such as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, behavioral issues, learning disabilities, developmental delays, divorce, grief and so much more. The benefits of play therapy include:

  • Encouraging open, effective, and voluntary communication
  • Learning appropriate behaviors and coping skills
  • Healthy emotional expression and regulation
  • Enhanced self-esteem and self confidence
  • Stress Reduction
  • Promoting creative problem solving skills
  • Enhanced social skills

The Power of Play

Children often come into play therapy defeated, confused, overwhelmed, and feeling as though their world is out of control. However, once a child sees the playroom and realizes that it is a world they can understand and communicate in, they often visibly relax. Allowing children this freedom to explore what is bothering them is healing in and of itself. Children heal from a nasty divorce, learn to calm themselves before they explode into a temper tantrum, and develop a high level of confidence to overcome struggles with anxiety, depression, or bullying. They move from self-loathing to self-acceptance and high self-esteem. That is the power of play.

Posted by Erin Pridgen, Helpful Articles, Parents & Parenting, Summit Staff Blogs | Comments Off

Protect Your Children!

November 13th, 2011

With all the media coverage about the Penn State case this week, my friend Allen Hunt asked me to join him on The Allen Hunt Show to talk about sexual abuse and protecting our children.

Here are few quick tips for protecting your children:

First, get real!  Don’t pretend this doesn’t happen.  Statistically, 1 in 4 girls, and 1 in 6 boys  will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday – so don’t be lulled into being asleep.  Keep sharp!

Secondly, reduce the opportunity for your child to be abused SIMPLY by limiting how often they are in one on one situations with adults (unsupervised). 

Thirdly, let your kids know that they can talk to you about ANYTHING — AND let them know that it is NOT okay to have a secret with other adults outside the family.  This is a very common ploy used by child sexual abusers – “this will be our secret – just between me and you.”  Let your child know that it’s not okayto keep secrets like that.

For more tips and information check out the following websites:
www.StopItNow.org
www.darkness2light.org

If The Summit Counseling Center can help you, let us know!  Call (678)893-5300.

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Posted by David Smith, Parents & Parenting, Summit Staff Blogs | Comments Off

Rich Nutrition Linked to Poorer Mental Health

October 25th, 2011

killer-fast-foodCan what we eat influence our mental health and contribute to the onset or worsening of such disorders as depression, anxiety and other mood disorders?  There is increasing evidence that this could be the case, and that the richest foods (in terms of calories, fats and sugar content) may have the strongest link to mental health problems.

Nutrition and Inflammation

Psychological stress is known to increase the production of pro-inflammatory cytokines. The deriving inflammation is accompanied by an accumulation of highly reactive oxygen species, also known as oxidative stress, which is a contributing factor in the development of severe depression. A diet rich in antioxidants, vitamins, minerals and fiber is associated with reduced systemic inflammation. Conversely, diets that are low in essential nutrients, such as magnesium and sugar- and fat-rich western diets are associated with increased systemic inflammation.

A new study of 3040 Australian adolescents 11 to 18 years of age collected information on diet and mental health by self-report and anthropometric data by trained researchers. Improvements in diet quality were mirrored by improvements in mental health over the follow-up period, while deteriorating diet quality was associated with poorer psychological functioning. Researchers concluded that the quality of one’s nutrition is associated with adolescent mental health both cross-sectionally and prospectively. Moreover, improvements in diet quality were mirrored by improvements in mental health, while reductions in diet quality were associated with declining psychological functioning over the follow-up period.

There are many ways in which an insufficiency of healthy foods and/or an excessive intake of unhealthy and processed foods may increase the risk for mental health problems in adolescents. Fruits and vegetables, as well as other components of a healthy diet such as whole grains, fish, lean red meats and olive oils, are rich in important nutrients such as folate, magnesium, b-group vitamins, selenium, zinc, mono- and polyunsaturated fatty acids, polyphenols and fiber. Many of these nutrients have already been reported as of importance in depressive illnesses, however the critical importance of these food components as modulators of reactive oxygen species (inflammation) and immune system functioning, both pathophysiological substrates of depressive illness is increasingly appreciated.

stressed-dessertsA new meta-analysis, reporting on data collected at many time points and thus more reliable, has reported large generational increases in self-reported mental health problems among American high school and college students between the 1930s and 2007. Paralleling this increase in the rates of psychological illness among young people are data indicating a reduction in the quality of adolescents’ diets over recent decades. A report based on trends in adolescent food consumption in the US identified a reduction in the consumption of raw fruits, high-nutrient vegetables and dairy foods, which are important sources of fiber and essential nutrients, between 1965 and 1996, with an associated increase in the consumption of fast food, snacks and sweetened beverages.

Concurrently, population surveys demonstrate a substantial increase in overweight and obesity among children and adolescents over recent decades. Obesity does not necessarily indicate nutritional deficiency: paradoxically, high-energy foods typically have poor nutrient content.

Fast Food, Depression and Anxiety

Another study of 5731 men and women 46 to 49 and 70 to 74 years of age found that those with better quality diets were less likely to be depressed, whereas a higher intake of processed and unhealthy foods was associated with increased anxiety.

USA-Obesity-RateA third study examined the extent to which the high-prevalence mental disorders are related to habitual diet in 1,046 women 20–93 years of age. Results showed that a “traditional” dietary pattern characterized by vegetables, fruit, meat, fish, and whole grains was associated with lower odds for major depression or log-term depression (dysthymia) and anxiety disorders. A western diet of processed or fried foods, refined grains, sugary products, and beer was associated with a higher prevalence of mental disorders. These results demonstrate an association between habitual diet quality and a higher prevalence of mental disorders.

In a fourth study (1999–2010) of 12,059 Spanish university graduates discovered a detrimental relationship between a diet rich in trans unsaturated fatty acids (TFA) and depression risk, whereas weak inverse associations were found for monounsaturated fatty acids (MUFA), polyunsaturated fatty acids (PUFA) and olive oil. These findings suggest that cardiovascular disease and depression may share some common nutritional determinants related to fat intake.

Most notably, results of a 2010 randomized placebo controlled trial showed that fish oil supplements prevented conversion from a subthreshold psychotic state to full-blown schizophrenia. Another recent randomized controlled trial study suggested that omega-3 supplements may help reduce anxiety.

Posted by Mark Zuccolo, Stress & Emotions, Summit Staff Blogs | Comments Off

The Essence of Good Relations Is Fair Fighting

September 26th, 2011

A Reflection From The GRAPES Regarding The Essence of Good Relations with Family

Your companions are like buttons on an elevator. They will either take you up or take you down.
“He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” Proverbs 13:20 –from God’s Little Devotional Book

When GRAPES members (Our teen therapy group, held on Tuesday evenings from 7 to 8pm) were recently asked about the top things they believe should not happen when parents and teens are in conflict, their appeals included:

  • “Never bring up stuff from the past!” In other words, if it happened in the past leave it in the past and don’t hold it over my head now.
  • “Don’t overreact about stuff” and blow the situation out of proportion; basically, don’t major in minors!
  • “Don’t compare me to other people” in the family – it feels like a put-down and doesn’t motivate me to change.
  • “Don’t insult others or say things personal like, “I hate you … you are a jerk …”
  • “Don’t mumble.”
  • “Don’t get physical – don’t hit or throw things.”
  • “Don’t take your anger out on someone else!” Essentially, take care of your anger before you direct it at someone who is not truly the source of your frustrations simply because they are the “safer” person.

The wishes of the teens above are very common and are a lot like the pleas I’ve heard over the years when counseling other young adults and adults alike. So, what have we been modeling to our teens? Can we expect our kids to possess effective communication and conflict management if day after day they are witnessing unfair fighting and ineffective engagements? The interactions I have witnessed over the years in my counseling practice inspired me to come up with a list of the top 10 unfair fighting moves commonly made in conflict.

So, let’s consider for a moment your normal interactions with your family members. Peruse the sample of fair fighting rules below and notice how many you have violated in the past or are engaged in presently.

Sample of Top 10 Unfair Fighting Moves
(found in Rock Solid Parenting: Secrets of an Effective Parent)

  • Put-downs — Labeling, name calling, insulting, sarcastic remarks, etc. *Communicated directly, indirectly, or mumbled.
  • Dominating — Hitting, yelling, throwing things, etc.
  • Multiple Topics at a time — Bringing-up unresolved issues from the past or multiple topics at once
  • “D” moves — Intimidator style of fighting such as being demeaning, domineering or dogmatic. Or, the distancing style of fighting; where you intentionally, or unintentionally, try to control another through isolating yourself from the person for long periods of time, or, become passive and give the silent or nearly silent treatment, in an effort to hope they will “get it … get it together…”
  • “You, you, you”– Focusing mainly on what you want the other person to change or do.
  • Fighting to the point where you forget the main topic or purpose
  • Assuming — Initially taking over and jumping to conclusions before gathering all the facts.
  • Bringing-up others such as siblings or friends in an effort to pressure the person to change.
  • Fighting for hours, all night, or for days — With no timeouts or reaching out to people who truly can help (youth pastors, counselors, etc.).
  • “It’s my way or the highway/no way!”

One of the most common reactions I encounter from individuals after they read the top 10 unfair fighting moves is a humble snicker and a comment such as: “I do many of these…obviously I need to do better, but what in the world can I do?” We clearly never intend to be thoughtless and careless with others, but unintentionally we are. So, if after reading this article you feel you need to work on your communication and conflict resolution skills feel free to reach out to someone here at The Summit or begin reading books like, The Anger Solution by John Lee or Rock Solid Parenting.

Posted by Lenore Doster, Summit Staff Blogs, Teen Issues, Young Adult Issues | Comments Off

Engagement – NOT The Ring-Giving Kind!

September 17th, 2011

Emotionally Engaged Couple

When we hear the word “engagement” in the context of a marriage relationship, we usually think about that memorable occassion where a guy gives a girl a ring to start the whole matrimonial process!  But what happens when the couple gets “engaged,” gets married, gets on with life, has a house and 2.3 children???  Are they still “engaged”?  For many couples, this is when their “engagement”–their emotional engagement–gets strained.  It’s hard to stay emotionally connected while “doing life”!

So, what’s an easy way to stay ”engaged” (emotionally)?

One low stress way to stay engaged is “The Daily Check-In”!  Spend 15-20 minutes per day with your partner “checking in,” debriefing your day and giving and receiving emotional support.  Couple tend to do this naturally when they are dating – either seeing each other in person or spending time on the phone.  But the stress and schedule of married life gets in the way.  However, if couples don’t find ways to defeat this stress and scheduling challenge, they can quickly become disengaged!  In just a little more time than it takes to “Check-In” on Facebook, you can “Check-in” with your spouse–with a lot more personal and positive results!

So, what do we talk about?

The average couple has tried this before, but one of two things tends to happen.  Either they 1) bore each other to death with endless talk about what happened in meetings, carpools and work, OR 2) they dive into bickering about whatever unresolved conflict has been festering between them!  Like Bob Newhart said playing a therapist in the famous YouTube Clip - “Stop it!”

A great strategy for running this session is to ask the “high-low” question.  Ask your partner, “What was your emotional high point of the day, and what was your emotional low point of the day?”  Easy, huh?  this simple two part question gets your partner to screen out all the boring stuff of the day and get straight to the “point” of what really mattered to them — positively or negatively — in the course of their day!  What a great gift!  YOUR job is to ask the question, listen (and don’t interrupt), and to offer emotional support (NOT advice, corrections, competing stories, criticism, NOTHING else – nada, nothing).  By doing this, you are telling your partner that you care,  that their life and experience matter to you and that you are willing to listen.  You will get BIG extra credit if you also REMEMBER this information and ask follow up questions as you check back in over the next few days!  Once one partner has completed this process, let the other partner take their turn as well.  This is about mutual support and two person engagement.

In a future post, I will let you know WHY this matters so much!

If you would like to read more, check out John Gottman’s book, Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work.  You can buy in The Summit Store through our partnership with Amazon books!

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Posted by Couples & Relationships, David Smith, Summit Staff Blogs | Comments Off

Healing Your Trauma Wounds

August 2nd, 2011

Traumatic events are distressing or life-threatening experiences that can severely compromise emotional well-being. Such events can include being the victim of a crime, experiencing or witnessing a severe accident, receiving a life-threatening medical diagnosis, exposure to a natural disaster, participating in war combat or enduring physical, sexual or emotional abuse.

After a traumatic event it is normal and expected to feel frightened, sad, anxious and even disconnected. Usually these symptoms fade with time and we can get back to living life again. For some people, however, the event remains painful and the memories and symptoms do not fade. This heightened anxious arousal can then began to affect the way we relate to world and can decrease our quality of life.

Often times individuals who have experienced trauma may start to show signs of extreme anxiety or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). They may develop ongoing problems with relationships, self-esteem, anger management and even daily life functions. Symptoms of PTSD can develop immediately or can appear gradually over time. They are often triggered by something that is reminiscent of the original trauma such as an image, smell, sound or a situation.

Although no two people are alike, the symptoms of PTSD manifest themselves in three main ways. First, PTSD sufferers may re-experience the traumatic event through upsetting memories, flashbacks, nightmares, feelings of intense distress and strong physical reactions such as rapid breathing, nausea, muscle tension, sweating and rapid heart rate. Secondly they may experience avoidance and numbing. For example, they may avoid places, thoughts or feelings that remind them of the trauma and/or they may not be able to remember important aspects of the event. One young man began to travel miles out of his way to avoid a bridge after being side swiped on a bridge he had previously crossed daily. Finally, increased anxiety and emotional arousal are a third category of PTSD symptoms. Sufferers may have difficulty staying or falling asleep, find it hard to concentrate, feel jumpy and be easily startled, and/or exhibit irritability and outbursts of anger.

Many forms of therapy have proven effective in the treatment of trauma. Three of the most effective are Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Exposure Therapy and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). An individual therapist can help you deal with the aftermath of a traumatic event by using these therapies to help you process the event, reduce your fear and anxiety, and develop healthier ways to respond in situations that trigger the traumatic memories.

The Summit Counseling Center is offering a Trauma Recovery Group this fall. This group is designed for individuals who have already processed their trauma with an individual therapist. The treatment goal of this group is to help identify trauma related conflicts, unlearn specific distortions related to the trauma and reduces anxiety symptoms. It is designed to foster self-awareness, process the trauma on the feeling level and restore quality of life. It is a nine week group that integrates many exercises based on therapies that have proven to be the most effective in treating trauma. For more information contact: Carleen Newsome, LPC.

Posted by Carleen Newsome, Grief, Trauma, & Loss, Summit Staff Blogs | Comments Off

It’s Planting Time

July 13th, 2011

My daughter recently called about planting some sweet potatoes.  She reminded me it is a good time to plant them so they would be grown by Fall.  One of the most stubborn spiritual rules in the universe is ‘whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap….”

What I want to offer parents and young people today is the idea that it is time to establish principles in home and life.   I remember my parents planting the garden in Spring so we could enjoy watermelons in August.  No seeds-no watermelon.  As parents, it is our responsibility to take the lead.  Now is a good time to plant some important values that will reap  great rewards in the future. 

It is time to plant healthy boundaries in the home.  Instead of parents saying clearly, “here are our family rules…” some parents just hope their children will absorb the values and ideas in the family.  The truth is that children and youth observe, absorb and are shaped daily by people, friends, movies, iphones, images, all around them in school, and community.  Plant boundaries and you create the environment for accountability and mutual trust.  When parents are ambivalent, youth presume they can do as they wish.  Establish boundaries on drinking alcohol, unsupervised parties, curfews, pornographic images on phones and computers, sexual activity, and money.  The results are responsibility, self esteem, absence of legal problems and absence of addictions.

Now is the time for young people to plant also.   Choose friends well.  If you can’t say no to your friends’ suggestions and habits then it is time to accept your weaknesses and admit you can’t hang around certain people without following their behaviors.  Plant honesty with parents.  Keeping secrets is a sign something is not the way it should be.  You will have your own interests, your own opinions, your own feelings and beliefs.  But maintaining honesty and respect means you are planting good character for yourself.  The result will be a life without regret.  Keeping great values bring high self esteem, and self confidence. 

If both parents and youth plant well then both will enjoy the rewards of good character, growing spirituality, positive relationships, and significantly less trouble than your friends are having. 

 

 

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Posted by Ewell Hardman, Parents & Parenting, Substance Abuse, Addiction & Compulsion, Summit Staff Blogs, Teen Issues | Comments Off

Can what I post on Facebook actually hurt my chances of getting accepted?

July 11th, 2011

I was recently asked to contribute to a blog for a college website designed to answer hot topic questions for college applicants. The question for that posting was: Can what I post on facebook actually hurt my chances of getting accepted?

My reply was yes, what is posted on Facebook can potentially hurt chances of acceptances. I warn students of this every year. Most colleges, especially the large ones, do not have the time or interest for policing facebook postings. However, they potentially could, so why take the risks? We hear in the news where politicians are caught and face consequences due to an unwise posting, as are unfaithful spouses, employees… The chances may be low, but as we all know, what is put in writing can come back to haunt us. The same goes for Twitter or any other social media network.

Facebook postings can also hinder students in keeping acceptances. As travel budgets and resources are cut in college admissions offices, many are enhancing their social media focus to connect with students. Therefore, as you “friend” a college, they can potentially see what you and your friends post. Admissions officers may also google to find out more information about you before they interview you, or to verify something that really stands out in your application. This could lead them straight to your facebook page.

Recently, I heard two Admissions Deans discuss how posts cost students; one an acceptance and one a scholarship. One posted about an underage, illegal activity he planned on providing his freshman year; his acceptance was rescinded. The other trashed the college, disappointed that she wasn’t accepted to her first-choice school. She was being considered for a substantial scholarship, which was awarded to another student because of her post.

Beyond admissions, postings could potentially hurt your chances of acceptance into groups you may want to join, such as student government, fraternities or sororities, and perhaps more detrimental, a future employer. Colleges may be called for roommate changes, based on what is seen on facebook. Do you really want to start your college experience with this baggage, after you have worked so hard for so long for an acceptance? Colleges and employers want to see students who have integrity, ethics, moral standards and sound reasoning. Consider this when making public any information about yourself.

Posted by College Counseling, Leigh Anne Spraetz, Summit Staff Blogs | Comments Off

Acceptances and Testimonials

July 6th, 2011

What a great year it has been for the partnership between The Summit Counseling Center and Academic Futures!!  Summit Staff Therapist Leigh Anne Spraetz works with high school students to find the right fit between a student and a college.  In 2011, Leigh Anne’s students were accepted to the following colleges!  (Continue reading below to find out how their PARENTS felt!!)

University of Alabama, American University – Paris, American University – Rome, Amherst, Appalachian State University, Auburn University, Baylor University, Boston University, Bowling Green State University, Brown University, Center, Champlain, Clemson University, College of Charleston, University of Colorado, Columbia University, Dartmouth College, Denison University, U of Dayton, Depaul, Drexel, Duke, East Carolina University, Elon, Emory University, Florida State University, Furman University, University of Florida, Georgia Tech, GCSU, University of Georgia, Goucher, GSU, Guilford College, Harvard University, Indiana University, Jacksonville University, Johns Hopkins University, University of Illinois – Urbana, James Madison University, Kennesaw State University, Miami University (Ohio), University of Miami (FL), University of Mississippi, NYU, Northeastern, North Carolina State University, UNC-CH, UNC-A, UNC-W, Ohio State University, Oxford at Emory, University of Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania State University, Princeton University, Purdue, Richmond, Rhodes, Rose Hulman, San Diego State, Sewanee, Southern Methodist University, Southern Polytechnic, University of South Carolina, Texas Christian University, University of Tennessee, Tulane, Vanderbilt University, Yale University

 

 

…And now for the Parents point of view!!!

The college admission process is definitely more competitive and complicated than it used to be. Mrs. Spraetz guided my son on this journey in a thorough and systematic manner, helping him identify career interests, realistic college choices, and practical ways to boost his chances of admission to them. I initially requested Mrs. Spraetz’s help out of fear that otherwise I would become the ultimate “nagging mom” during my son’s last year at home. I quickly came to appreciate not only her organized and encouraging leadership style, but also her extensive knowledge about every facet of college admissions. She quickly established a strong rapport with my son and kept him motivated and enthusiastic as he addressed each suggestion and deadline along the way. We were thrilled with the results he achieved, and he is proud to be heading to Clemson University this fall. Academic Futures provides exceptional value and expertise on a very personal and individualized level.
–Parent of Wesleyan School Senior, 2011

Leigh Anne,
It truly is a bittersweet time for us, the parents too. It feels so great to see the kids to have found their best choice of college in which they are going to have probably the most memorable times of their lives, in which they would blossom and pass with flying colors. This is also the time to pause and take a moment to appreciate all the help, guidance, and support the kids got from you, without which they would have been stranded and lost. I personally want to thank you for helping out my daughter, by setting out goals and deadlines, and nudging her along these critical few years of high school. You have been wonderful and I greatly appreciate your help. Thank you so much,
–Parent of 2011 AHS Student

Thank you for being awesome and helping me through the whole maze of college admissions!!!!! Seriously, I couldn’t have done it without you. You probably already know I would have missed half of my deadlines if you didn’t remind me…
–Alpharetta High School Student, 2011

Thanks so much for ALL of your help and support for our son. We all know you were a major factor in his success into the college of his choice!!!!!! We could never thank you enough for all of your time & energy. Always remember how much we have valued your expertise.
–Alpharetta High School Parent, Class of 2011

Thank you so very much for all of your help and guidance over this past year with Andrew’s application process. Due to your advice and assistance, Andrew had a successful and stress free experience with his college applications. We greatly appreciate all of your guidance!
–2011 Senior from North Springs Charter

Thank you for all of your guidance during our college search for our son. When we first started to investigate colleges we quickly became overwhelmed with all of the school choices, locations, financial aid, etc. It has been twenty years since my husband and I did our college searches and today’s market is by far more complex and dynamic than what we faced when making our decisions. Your methods and strategies took the worry out of the process and made it what it should be, and exciting investigation into the next milestone in our son’s life journey. We have no doubt that you were instrumental in helping our son make the right decision the first time around. Again, thank you for all of your help and guidance. As Big Ten Alumni, my husband and I are excited to finally get to see an SEC Football game.
–Parent of Johns Creek High School Student, Class of 2011

Dear Leigh Anne,
After meeting with you the first time, my daughter told me, “I think Leigh Anne is my guardian angel!” She was so thankful to have a partner for the college application process: someone who knew what they were doing, patient but persistent, and always there for any questions or hurdles that may arise. It was such a relief for us as parents to have you being the one to do all of the reminding and nudging during the complicating process. It took a lot of the emotional and combative aspects away from what could have been very stressful time. Not only was our daughter accepted to some excellent, high-level universities, she also received several merit scholarships as well. Thank you for all you did to help us as a family achieve the results we were seeking. Hiring you was an excellent investment in our daughter’s future! Thanks so much.
–Alpharetta High School Parent, 2011

Dear Leigh Anne,
We consider our decision to enlist your services in the college search process one of the best decisions we’ve ever made! You were able to develop a relationship with our son that helped him, and us, move through the process much more easily than we would have been able to do alone. You guided him every step of the way, from the first list of potential colleges that would match his goals, aptitude, and personality, through the final decision. We benefited with an early understanding of ways he could improve his resume and show interest at various schools. And it was so helpful to have you set the time-line, review his essay and the applications, and keep him motivated throughout. We avoided so many potential arguments by just deferring to your expertise and guidance. Furthermore, when we hit a bumpy spot and an early decision did not happen as we had hoped, you were able to talk him through it and refocus his efforts. We are very appreciative of the guidance you provided our son and we’ll always be thankful for it. We will continue to tell our friends and neighbors about you and we wish you and yours all the best always!
–Chattahoochee High School Parent, 2011

Dear Leigh Anne,
I wanted to thank you for all the help you have given our daughter Chandler over the past four years. Under your direction she was able to build a great resume in her college application process. Helping her understand the importance of academic rigor, good grades, internships, leadership skills and volunteering in the community defines the type of candidate most colleges and universities seek out. Having to check in with you on a regular basis and be accountable for her goals made a significant impact on her overall performance. Since she is our first to go through this process, we didn’t know what to expect as far as acceptances to colleges/universities. I am happy to report she was accepted to all 10 colleges she applied to with 75%of them offering scholarship money and entry into their honor’s program. You helped her narrow down her college search based on so many factors to find the best possible fit for her. With your guidance and expertise, I had peace of mind that we were always staying on task and ahead of the curve, which I know is key today. I am so proud of her accomplishments and know that she has the tools to remain at the top of her game in her next academic pursuits at the University of Florida. I highly recommend your services to all students, and would tell the parents the fee more than pays for itself with the time you saved us with your expertise and knowledge. Thanks again.
–Parent of Alpharetta High School Senior, 2011

Thanks a million times for all the wonderful advice you gave to both of us and our son. Looking back at how complicated and thorough and diligent one has to be to get into the college of choice these days, I can’t even imagine doing it without your help. Not only the college stuff, but also the home-front issues, I won’t forget how kind you were to listen to our woes and successes.
–Parent of Alpharetta High Senior, 2011

Just wanted to let you know that I had made my final decision and am going to Auburn in the fall. Also, thank you for helping me through this incredibly complicated process. It would have been rough going without your expertise. It has been a long haul and, as I’m sure many others are, I am excited to be leaving high school and going on to something bigger and better. Thanks again.
–Alpharetta High School Senior, 2011

Woohoo! I’m so excited! I don’t know if I would have been prepared for next year so quickly without you! I can’t wait to stop by to see you after I have some breaks throughout next year. Thanks again!
–North Gwinnett Senior, 2011

When I think back to where my senior was with his college plan during his junior year, It feels like a lifetime ago. He wasn’t sure what kind of school he wanted to go to or what size college he liked. He really hadn’t even given a major any thought. I was always encouraging my son towards the things I thought he would excel in. Most of the time he didn’t agree. When I heard about the service that Leigh Anne offered through the Summit Counseling Center, I knew we needed to look into it. The moment we met Leigh Anne we both felt comfortable with her. We knew the process would make everything go more smoothly. After he completed the different kinds of testing (Myers Briggs, etc.) he could see on paper what his strengths were. Leigh Anne walked him through the process so it was “painless”. He looked forward to the sessions and what he would discover about himself. He would come home from meetings with her and say, “Mom, the test shows I really have a strength in such and such”. Of course these were all the things I knew he would excel in, but he didn’t hear me! My son is excited about his college choice and because of taking small steps with Leigh Anne along the way, it was an enjoyable senior year for all of us! I recommend Leigh Anne and the whole process every chance I get! Thank you!”
–North Gwinnett Parent of 2011 Senior

Leigh Anne,
We cannot believe it but Grant’s Graduation is here. We wanted to write and express our thanks for the outstanding job you did preparing Grant for his junior and senior years at MPCS as well as helping him with the college search process. It truly is a process and that is what we value the most of the many aspects you oversaw. With Grant being our oldest, I did not know the ins and outs of the testing process and the applications. It was great for Grant to have another trusted adult to discuss his goals, strengths, and areas of opportunities with from start to finish. I was able to observe and not add to the stress of the process.
Grant especially liked the personality testing you performed in the beginning followed by discussions of possible career choices that fit his personality and educational interests. Categorizing desired colleges by top choice, likely and reach schools really helped define his search. Your familiarity with the Admissions Departments of most sought after schools, large and small, helped him tailor his applications and essay answers to each school. Your advice on “holes” in his educational, extracurricular and mission experiences helped him select new opportunities that he enjoyed during his senior year in addition to rounding out his resume. From an organizational standpoint, you set the bar high on establishing deadlines and follow through. This was beneficial for Grant to see as examples and motivate him to follow through on his obligations. By sticking to deadlines, Grant was able to relax and enjoy his Senior year. We thank you so much for helping get Grant accepted into his #1 choice, UGA and being offered a Presidential Scholarship from UGA .This is huge not only for Grant but for our family. It was amazing to see some unexpected acceptances (Georgia Tech) too and we give credit to you for these surprises also. Our younger son is a rising ninth grader. Please save a spot for him next year.
–Mount Pisgah Christian School Parent of 2011 Senior

Dear Leigh Anne,
Thank you so much for taking Kevin through the entire college process.  Maybe because he started with you before his junior year, nothing was ever stressful.   You worked with him and came up with a great list of schools.  The list was so great, in fact, that he has been accepted to all of them!  A bonus is that he received merit scholarships from many of the schools as well. I have recommended you in the past, and will continue to do so every chance I get. If anyone would like to talk to me personally, please feel free to share my contact information.
–Parent of Chattahoochee 2010 Senior

Leigh Anne— I share the story I have told numerous parents since we engaged your services for our daughter, Ashley, a senior at Chattahoochee High in Alpharetta. We introduced Ashley to Leigh Anne during her sophomore year.  We met once with Leigh Anne for an introductory meet and greet, and we all instantly felt comfortable with her.  From that point, Ash worked 1:1 with Leigh Anne throughout the following 2.5 years. The process is simple – for parents.  Leigh Anne takes the complexities of the college search and applications process off your shoulders and bear that burden with your student child.   But she does so much more.  She first walks your student through a self-discovery process – something that most adults have probably never done.  This initial self-discovery process includes aptitude testing, Myers-Briggs personality profiling and other introspective exercises for the students to understand what ‘makes them tick’.  This process ultimately leads them down the path of deciding what they really enjoy doing, what they want to be when they ‘grow up’ and spending a lifetime doing.   Leigh Anne then helps the students to ‘connect the dots’ from looking out to what they want to be, checking the reality of those choices, and drilling down to the core studies that will effectively get them there.    In the following stages, she will guide your student through the school selection process – determining which schools are a good fit for your student’s personality, for your student’s studies of choice, career path, etc.    And ultimately, she will guide you and your student through the final stages of school visits, school applications and ultimate acceptance and commitment. There is no chance that Ashley would have received the same level of counseling, and definitely without bias, from us – her parents.   Ash has established a very close and respectable relationship with Leigh Anne, and we trust her implicitly with such an important step in our daughter’s life.  Ash receives Leigh Anne’s input and direction without question, unlike what she, and most students at this age, tend to do with their parents’ advice. We know we made a wise choice when Ash said to us, “You have made the best investment ever in me by introducing me to Ms. Spraetz.’    That decision also turned a stressful 2-year process into a very rewarding and enjoyable exercise for us all. We will be forever grateful, Leigh Anne.
–Parent of Chattahoochee High School Student, Class of 2010

When we spoke to our son’s school counselor his sophomore year, we were shocked by how much work and research was needed in order to prepare to apply to colleges. With all of our son’s activities, we felt he needed someone in addition to the guidance at school to assist with this process. Through Leigh Anne’s testing she opened his eyes to potential careers and also showed him that he had the ability to perform better in school. She was a wonderful resource and helped us sift through the college possibilities based on whether our son wanted a smaller school or a full college experience. She kept him on track through the summer between the junior and senior year and by September he had his essay completed and a timetable for completing the applications. We are very thankful for Leigh Anne’s help over the last couple of years. She kept our son focused and helped our family navigate the process for applying to college.
–Parent of  Wesleyan School Student, Class of 2010

Dear Leigh Anne:  Your services have been invaluable over the past two years as we considered issues like career options, choosing a major and selecting a college.  My daughter needed direction and guidance and was much more open to hearing that from an expert than from mom.  I can’t tell you how many times I was able to diffuse conflict by saying “What does Leigh Anne advise you to do about this?”  I have a sophomore in high school now and we will be signing up for two more years of your fine help!
–Parent of Alpharetta High School Student, Class of 2010

Leigh Anne,
As our family completes our second successful college journey, I want to thank you once again for your invaluable support and guidance.  Recently our second child received notification of her admission to her top destination for her college experience.  My confidence in her decision is much greater the second time around as I talk to my oldest daughter and hear how much she is both loving and succeeding at college.  Finding the right place for your children’s education followed by admission, and then followed by their happiness attending the school of their dreams is so gratifying.   You do a great job of organizing the college process and working with each student to achieve their goals. We have been very fortunate to have an excellent guidance counselor at our large public high school.  Unfortunately, the public schools do not have the resources to provide the assistance necessary to guide all of their students given the competiveness of college admissions.  Besides your guidance, you make it so much easier as parents taking much of the ‘nagging’ away from getting the applications and follow-up tasks completed. I will continue to give you any recommendation and pass on your name to other parents in our area.  We are extremely happy with your services and strongly suggest that any parent looking for direction in the college search process use your services. Once Again, thank you for all you have done.
–Parent of Milton High School students’ class of 2008 and 2010

Parent: The college search… Every time I heard the phrase, my stomach stood at attention.  A few books, a few articles, and a school meeting or two, taught us one thing; our own college experience in the late 70s credentialed neither of us for this important process.  How were we going to find a wonderful private school on a public school budget for a graduate of a small Gwinnett County church school?  None of this concerned Leigh Anne!   No problem, many great choices out there….find the best fit for her, places she’s sure to thrive…. from there, we’ll focus on schools who in my experience have been generous with scholarship money. A year later, she has ten acceptances so far with five schools offering from $40,000 – $74,000 in scholarships!  Never in our wildest dreams…  Our daughter said it best, “Ms. Leigh Anne is amazing!”
Student:  It really was a hard process. There were many nights I didn’t want to look at SAT practice tests and later on the application essays, but I sure didn’t want to disappoint Leigh Anne.  She was so nice to call and encourage me between our visits. I am sooo glad I drove over and met with L.A. before my interview for “preferred housing” last week.  I know I was the most prepared of the girls in my group.  They were all so nervous and I knew L.A. had covered everything with me.
–Parent and Student, Christian Hebron Academy, Class of 2010

To any parent of a college bound student, my advice is not to do it alone.  It has been years since we were in college – the application process and requirements are very different. What I didn’t want at home in my last months with my college-bound child were stress and headaches…. so I hired a professional. I was so impressed with Ms. Leigh Anne Spraetz from the beginning and all the way through the college process.  She related very well with my son. She helped him not only look at college options, but majors and careers to follow. We wanted to enjoy this very exciting time – it was money well spent.
–Parent of Wesleyan School Senior, Class of 2009

Because my Forsyth Central High School student was so involved in after-school activities and had very little time during the school year, you worked with her during the summer. When her senior year started she had finished your testing, written three essays, decided on and visited the colleges that would fit her. She was all set to apply on the first day they would take applications. By November 1st, she had received the five acceptance letters she wanted. She was thrilled to have all of them displayed on the bulletin board at FCHS and has now moved on to making her number one choice. Our family appreciates all your caring and supportive work. We also feel that we have gained a friend for life. Thank you so much.
–Guardian/Grandparent of Forsyth Central High School Student, 2009

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