• What is going on with my teen?
• Why is he/she so impulsive?
• Why can’t he/she see the importance of studying, respecting adults, and showing appreciation or gratitude?
• Why is my teen so moody? She/he is isolating himself/herself or they only want to spend time with their peers, refusing to participate in family outings.

Early adolescence is a time when conflict with parents escalates beyond childhood levels. This increase may be due to a number of factors: the biological changes of puberty, cognitive changes, and social changes focused on independence and identity.

Biological Changes

One of the most obvious changes in adolescence is rapid physical maturation, including hormonal and body changes. However, the rate and type of these changes varies widely among individual teens. Whether your child experiences early or late maturation, the timing of these physical changes can influence their focus during these years.
Early maturing girls are more likely to smoke, drink, be depressed, have an eating disorder, request earlier independence from their parents and have older friends; and their bodies are more likely to elicit responses from males that lead to earlier dating and sexual experiences. Interestingly early maturing girls have a higher body image in 6th grade, but by 10th grade studies have shown that late-maturing girls are the ones on average with a greater positive body image.

Early-maturing boys have a higher self image and better peer relationships during adolescence but by 30 years of age late-maturing boys have a greater sense of identity when compared to their early developing peers. This may be because studies have shown that early maturing boys continue to focus on their advantageous physical status instead of career development and achievement.

As a parent it is important to understand both the positive and negative emotions and pressures your individual child is feeling about their physical development and to realize that you can help mentor them through these rough years once you can empathize with what they are experiencing.

Cognitive Changes

What we know about brain development during adolescence is really in its infancy. However, recent fascinating discoveries have focused on the changes that happen in the emotional center, the amygdala and the higher-level cognitive functioning center, the prefrontal cortex. Researchers have determined that the amygdala, which is responsible for processing information about emotion, matures earlier than the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for making decisions and other higher-order cognitive functions. These findings seem to suggest that an adolescent might be more likely to respond with a “gut” reaction to emotional stimuli, whereas adults might be more likely to respond with a rational, reasoned response. In fact the prefrontal cortex is the very last part of the brain to mature. It is here where planning, setting priorities, suppressing impulses and weighing the consequences of one’s actions take place. This means that the brain region for putting the brakes on risky, impulsive behavior and thinking before acting is still under construction during adolescence.

The healthy, balanced viewpoint for the parent of an adolescent would be to find a flexible position that would provide structure for a teen whose prefrontal cortex is still developing and freedom to explore and develop their individual self-identity.

Social Changes focusing on Identity Development

It is healthy and expected that during the adolescence years teens explore and develop their individual self-identity. During this time they may experiment with many different roles and worldviews. Identity development is a long process that happens in starts and stops and consists of all areas of a teen’s worldview including but not limited to: interests, values, faith, relationships, personality, sexuality, gender, cultural, political and vocational. Those teens that successfully navigate this stage emerge with a strong and acceptable sense of themselves and where they are headed in life. Those who do not work through this stage are stuck in what is called “identity confusion”. Teens who experience identity confusion most often have parents who are either permissive, providing little guidance, or autocratic controlling the teen without giving them an opportunity to express themselves. Teens experiencing identity confusion will either isolate themselves and withdraw from family and friends or lose their identity in the crowd. Parents can help their teens navigate this identity development by understanding this is a time for teens to question and explore many roles and ideas. Parents are most effective when they listen and discuss ideas and decisions with their teens while giving them room to make some of their own decisions.

During adolescence many parents see their teen changing from a compliant child to someone who is non-compliant, oppositional and resistant to parental standards. When this happens parents tend to clamp down and put pressure on the adolescent to conform to parental standards. Parents often expect their teen to become mature adults overnight, instead of understanding that the journey takes 10-15 years. Parents who recognize that this transition takes time handle their youth more competently and calmly than those who demand immediate conformity to adult standards. The opposite tactic – letting adolescents do as they please without supervision – is also unwise.

Competent adolescent development is most likely to happen when adolescents have parents whom:

• Show them warmth and respect
• Demonstrate sustained interest in their lives
• Recognize and adapt to their cognitive and socio-emotional development
• Communicate expectations for high standards of conduct and achievement and
• Model constructive ways of dealing with problems and conflict

These can be difficult but rewarding years. Be kind to yourself and your teen and remember this is a marathon, not a sprint!

Here are few quick tips for protecting your children:

First, get real!  Don’t pretend this doesn’t happen.  Statistically, 1 in 4 girls, and 1 in 6 boys  will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday – so don’t be lulled into being asleep.  Keep sharp!

Secondly, reduce the opportunity for your child to be abused SIMPLY by limiting how often they are in one on one situations with adults (unsupervised). 

Thirdly, let your kids know that they can talk to you about ANYTHING — AND let them know that it is NOT okay to have a secret with other adults outside the family.  This is a very common ploy used by child sexual abusers – “this will be our secret – just between me and you.”  Let your child know that it’s not okayto keep secrets like that.

For more tips and information check out the following websites:
www.StopItNow.org
www.darkness2light.org

If The Summit Counseling Center can help you, let us know!  Call (678)893-5300.

Can what we eat influence our mental health and contribute to the onset or worsening of such disorders as depression, anxiety and other mood disorders?  There is increasing evidence that this could be the case, and that the richest foods (in terms of calories, fats and sugar content) may have the strongest link to mental health problems.

Nutrition and Inflammation

Psychological stress is known to increase the production of pro-inflammatory cytokines. The deriving inflammation is accompanied by an accumulation of highly reactive oxygen species, also known as oxidative stress, which is a contributing factor in the development of severe depression. A diet rich in antioxidants, vitamins, minerals and fiber is associated with reduced systemic inflammation. Conversely, diets that are low in essential nutrients, such as magnesium and sugar- and fat-rich western diets are associated with increased systemic inflammation.

A new study of 3040 Australian adolescents 11 to 18 years of age collected information on diet and mental health by self-report and anthropometric data by trained researchers. Improvements in diet quality were mirrored by improvements in mental health over the follow-up period, while deteriorating diet quality was associated with poorer psychological functioning. Researchers concluded that the quality of one’s nutrition is associated with adolescent mental health both cross-sectionally and prospectively. Moreover, improvements in diet quality were mirrored by improvements in mental health, while reductions in diet quality were associated with declining psychological functioning over the follow-up period.

There are many ways in which an insufficiency of healthy foods and/or an excessive intake of unhealthy and processed foods may increase the risk for mental health problems in adolescents. Fruits and vegetables, as well as other components of a healthy diet such as whole grains, fish, lean red meats and olive oils, are rich in important nutrients such as folate, magnesium, b-group vitamins, selenium, zinc, mono- and polyunsaturated fatty acids, polyphenols and fiber. Many of these nutrients have already been reported as of importance in depressive illnesses, however the critical importance of these food components as modulators of reactive oxygen species (inflammation) and immune system functioning, both pathophysiological substrates of depressive illness is increasingly appreciated.

A new meta-analysis, reporting on data collected at many time points and thus more reliable, has reported large generational increases in self-reported mental health problems among American high school and college students between the 1930s and 2007. Paralleling this increase in the rates of psychological illness among young people are data indicating a reduction in the quality of adolescents’ diets over recent decades. A report based on trends in adolescent food consumption in the US identified a reduction in the consumption of raw fruits, high-nutrient vegetables and dairy foods, which are important sources of fiber and essential nutrients, between 1965 and 1996, with an associated increase in the consumption of fast food, snacks and sweetened beverages.

Concurrently, population surveys demonstrate a substantial increase in overweight and obesity among children and adolescents over recent decades. Obesity does not necessarily indicate nutritional deficiency: paradoxically, high-energy foods typically have poor nutrient content.

Fast Food, Depression and Anxiety

Another study of 5731 men and women 46 to 49 and 70 to 74 years of age found that those with better quality diets were less likely to be depressed, whereas a higher intake of processed and unhealthy foods was associated with increased anxiety.

A third study examined the extent to which the high-prevalence mental disorders are related to habitual diet in 1,046 women 20–93 years of age. Results showed that a “traditional” dietary pattern characterized by vegetables, fruit, meat, fish, and whole grains was associated with lower odds for major depression or log-term depression (dysthymia) and anxiety disorders. A western diet of processed or fried foods, refined grains, sugary products, and beer was associated with a higher prevalence of mental disorders. These results demonstrate an association between habitual diet quality and a higher prevalence of mental disorders.

In a fourth study (1999–2010) of 12,059 Spanish university graduates discovered a detrimental relationship between a diet rich in trans unsaturated fatty acids (TFA) and depression risk, whereas weak inverse associations were found for monounsaturated fatty acids (MUFA), polyunsaturated fatty acids (PUFA) and olive oil. These findings suggest that cardiovascular disease and depression may share some common nutritional determinants related to fat intake.

Most notably, results of a 2010 randomized placebo controlled trial showed that fish oil supplements prevented conversion from a subthreshold psychotic state to full-blown schizophrenia. Another recent randomized controlled trial study suggested that omega-3 supplements may help reduce anxiety.

Your companions are like buttons on an elevator. They will either take you up or take you down.
“He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” Proverbs 13:20 –from God’s Little Devotional Book

When GRAPES members (Our teen therapy group, held on Tuesday evenings from 7 to 8pm) were recently asked about the top things they believe should not happen when parents and teens are in conflict, their appeals included:

• “Never bring up stuff from the past!” In other words, if it happened in the past leave it in the past and don’t hold it over my head now.
• “Don’t overreact about stuff” and blow the situation out of proportion; basically, don’t major in minors!
• “Don’t compare me to other people” in the family – it feels like a put-down and doesn’t motivate me to change.
• “Don’t insult others or say things personal like, “I hate you … you are a jerk …”
• “Don’t mumble.”
• “Don’t get physical – don’t hit or throw things.”
• “Don’t take your anger out on someone else!” Essentially, take care of your anger before you direct it at someone who is not truly the source of your frustrations simply because they are the “safer” person.

The wishes of the teens above are very common and are a lot like the pleas I’ve heard over the years when counseling other young adults and adults alike. So, what have we been modeling to our teens? Can we expect our kids to possess effective communication and conflict management if day after day they are witnessing unfair fighting and ineffective engagements? The interactions I have witnessed over the years in my counseling practice inspired me to come up with a list of the top 10 unfair fighting moves commonly made in conflict.

So, let’s consider for a moment your normal interactions with your family members. Peruse the sample of fair fighting rules below and notice how many you have violated in the past or are engaged in presently.

Sample of Top 10 Unfair Fighting Moves
(found in Rock Solid Parenting: Secrets of an Effective Parent)

• Put-downs — Labeling, name calling, insulting, sarcastic remarks, etc. *Communicated directly, indirectly, or mumbled.
• Dominating — Hitting, yelling, throwing things, etc.
• Multiple Topics at a time — Bringing-up unresolved issues from the past or multiple topics at once
• “D” moves — Intimidator style of fighting such as being demeaning, domineering or dogmatic. Or, the distancing style of fighting; where you intentionally, or unintentionally, try to control another through isolating yourself from the person for long periods of time, or, become passive and give the silent or nearly silent treatment, in an effort to hope they will “get it … get it together…”
• “You, you, you”– Focusing mainly on what you want the other person to change or do.
• Fighting to the point where you forget the main topic or purpose
• Assuming — Initially taking over and jumping to conclusions before gathering all the facts.
• Bringing-up others such as siblings or friends in an effort to pressure the person to change.
• Fighting for hours, all night, or for days — With no timeouts or reaching out to people who truly can help (youth pastors, counselors, etc.).
• “It’s my way or the highway/no way!”

One of the most common reactions I encounter from individuals after they read the top 10 unfair fighting moves is a humble snicker and a comment such as: “I do many of these…obviously I need to do better, but what in the world can I do?” We clearly never intend to be thoughtless and careless with others, but unintentionally we are. So, if after reading this article you feel you need to work on your communication and conflict resolution skills feel free to reach out to someone here at The Summit or begin reading books like, The Anger Solution by John Lee or Rock Solid Parenting.

When we hear the word “engagement” in the context of a marriage relationship, we usually think about that memorable occassion where a guy gives a girl a ring to start the whole matrimonial process!  But what happens when the couple gets “engaged,” gets married, gets on with life, has a house and 2.3 children???  Are they still “engaged”?  For many couples, this is when their “engagement”–their emotional engagement–gets strained.  It’s hard to stay emotionally connected while “doing life”!

So, what’s an easy way to stay ”engaged” (emotionally)?

One low stress way to stay engaged is “The Daily Check-In”!  Spend 15-20 minutes per day with your partner “checking in,” debriefing your day and giving and receiving emotional support.  Couple tend to do this naturally when they are dating – either seeing each other in person or spending time on the phone.  But the stress and schedule of married life gets in the way.  However, if couples don’t find ways to defeat this stress and scheduling challenge, they can quickly become disengaged!  In just a little more time than it takes to “Check-In” on Facebook, you can “Check-in” with your spouse–with a lot more personal and positive results!

So, what do we talk about?

The average couple has tried this before, but one of two things tends to happen.  Either they 1) bore each other to death with endless talk about what happened in meetings, carpools and work, OR 2) they dive into bickering about whatever unresolved conflict has been festering between them!  Like Bob Newhart said playing a therapist in the famous YouTube Clip - “Stop it!”

A great strategy for running this session is to ask the “high-low” question.  Ask your partner, “What was your emotional high point of the day, and what was your emotional low point of the day?”  Easy, huh?  this simple two part question gets your partner to screen out all the boring stuff of the day and get straight to the “point” of what really mattered to them — positively or negatively — in the course of their day!  What a great gift!  YOUR job is to ask the question, listen (and don’t interrupt), and to offer emotional support (NOT advice, corrections, competing stories, criticism, NOTHING else – nada, nothing).  By doing this, you are telling your partner that you care,  that their life and experience matter to you and that you are willing to listen.  You will get BIG extra credit if you also REMEMBER this information and ask follow up questions as you check back in over the next few days!  Once one partner has completed this process, let the other partner take their turn as well.  This is about mutual support and two person engagement.

In a future post, I will let you know WHY this matters so much!

If you would like to read more, check out John Gottman’s book, Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work.  You can buy in The Summit Store through our partnership with Amazon books!

The PGA Championship Youth Clinic was held at River Pines Golf Course on Monday, August 8th. The participants received personal and group golf instruction from 30 Georgia PGA Section Professionals. After the clinic the youth had the opportunity to attend the Monday afternoon practice rounds of the PGA Championship.

The PGA also made 25 adult tickets available to The Summit for each day of the practice rounds. Each adult ticket included four youth tickets, therefore allowing over 200 youth from six local church youth groups and two high school golf teams the opportunity to experience the PGA Championship!

“We are grateful to the PGA Championship Community Relations Program for making this opportunity available to our community,” said David Smith, Executive Director of The Summit Counseling Center, located at 2750 Old Alabama Rd. in Johns Creek.

The Summit also received ten tickets to each day of the championship rounds. “As a non-profit organization, we rely greatly on funding from our donors and partnerships with local churches in the area,” said Smith. “We were able to use the PGA Championship tickets to say thank you to those who have supported us throughout the years.”

The PGA Community Relations program has an annual goal to leave a community legacy with each host city of a major championship. The Georgia-based charities benefiting from the PGA Community Relations Program focus on youth, health, wellness, education, sports and family services.

The Summit Counseling Center is a non-profit counseling center providing professional, faith-based counseling. With a staff of 9 licensed therapists, The Summit serves people of all ages and provides a wide range of services that include individual, couples and family counseling for anxiety, depression, alcohol and substance abuse, marital issues, parenting concerns, and children’s issues.

The donation was part of a larger $1.12 Million anonymous gift made to the Mount Pisgah Foundation. The Mount Pisgah Foundation was established by the host United Methodist Church and created foundation accounts for The Summit Counseling Center and 3 other non-profits affiliated with the Church. The gift was divided among all the non-profit entities based on their specific needs and a formula specified by the donor.

The Summit Counseling Center’s Executive Director, Rev. David M. Smith, was excited to share the news with his Board. “We are deeply grateful for such a tangible affirmation of our ministry and of our effectiveness in helping the people of North Atlanta. This is the kind of gift that insures that we have the necessary stability to meet the needs of our community for many years to come!”

The gift was provided with the stipulation that The Summit’s Board of Directors establish a meaningful operating reserve fund to protect both The Summit and Mount Pisgah from shortfalls and fluctuations in operating funds. The Summit Board unanimously passed a new policy to this effect in May 2011.

The Mount Pisgah Foundation has also established an account with the National Christian Foundation. This relationship allows the Mount Pisgah Foundation and The Summit to receive not only cash gifts, but the contribution of non-cash gifts as well. Gifts can be in the form of most any type of asset including real estate, business interests, loan notes, restricted securities, estate gifts, retirement plans, life insurance, and personal property.

David Smith noted that The Summit is an excellent example of a counseling center that has a meaningful partnership in ministry with a local congregation while maintaining a mission and the resources to serve the larger community.

After a traumatic event it is normal and expected to feel frightened, sad, anxious and even disconnected. Usually these symptoms fade with time and we can get back to living life again. For some people, however, the event remains painful and the memories and symptoms do not fade. This heightened anxious arousal can then began to affect the way we relate to world and can decrease our quality of life.

Often times individuals who have experienced trauma may start to show signs of extreme anxiety or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). They may develop ongoing problems with relationships, self-esteem, anger management and even daily life functions. Symptoms of PTSD can develop immediately or can appear gradually over time. They are often triggered by something that is reminiscent of the original trauma such as an image, smell, sound or a situation.

Although no two people are alike, the symptoms of PTSD manifest themselves in three main ways. First, PTSD sufferers may re-experience the traumatic event through upsetting memories, flashbacks, nightmares, feelings of intense distress and strong physical reactions such as rapid breathing, nausea, muscle tension, sweating and rapid heart rate. Secondly they may experience avoidance and numbing. For example, they may avoid places, thoughts or feelings that remind them of the trauma and/or they may not be able to remember important aspects of the event. One young man began to travel miles out of his way to avoid a bridge after being side swiped on a bridge he had previously crossed daily. Finally, increased anxiety and emotional arousal are a third category of PTSD symptoms. Sufferers may have difficulty staying or falling asleep, find it hard to concentrate, feel jumpy and be easily startled, and/or exhibit irritability and outbursts of anger.

Many forms of therapy have proven effective in the treatment of trauma. Three of the most effective are Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Exposure Therapy and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). An individual therapist can help you deal with the aftermath of a traumatic event by using these therapies to help you process the event, reduce your fear and anxiety, and develop healthier ways to respond in situations that trigger the traumatic memories.

The Summit Counseling Center is offering a Trauma Recovery Group this fall. This group is designed for individuals who have already processed their trauma with an individual therapist. The treatment goal of this group is to help identify trauma related conflicts, unlearn specific distortions related to the trauma and reduces anxiety symptoms. It is designed to foster self-awareness, process the trauma on the feeling level and restore quality of life. It is a nine week group that integrates many exercises based on therapies that have proven to be the most effective in treating trauma. For more information contact: Carleen Newsome, LPC.

What I want to offer parents and young people today is the idea that it is time to establish principles in home and life.   I remember my parents planting the garden in Spring so we could enjoy watermelons in August.  No seeds-no watermelon.  As parents, it is our responsibility to take the lead.  Now is a good time to plant some important values that will reap  great rewards in the future. 

It is time to plant healthy boundaries in the home.  Instead of parents saying clearly, “here are our family rules…” some parents just hope their children will absorb the values and ideas in the family.  The truth is that children and youth observe, absorb and are shaped daily by people, friends, movies, iphones, images, all around them in school, and community.  Plant boundaries and you create the environment for accountability and mutual trust.  When parents are ambivalent, youth presume they can do as they wish.  Establish boundaries on drinking alcohol, unsupervised parties, curfews, pornographic images on phones and computers, sexual activity, and money.  The results are responsibility, self esteem, absence of legal problems and absence of addictions.

Now is the time for young people to plant also.   Choose friends well.  If you can’t say no to your friends’ suggestions and habits then it is time to accept your weaknesses and admit you can’t hang around certain people without following their behaviors.  Plant honesty with parents.  Keeping secrets is a sign something is not the way it should be.  You will have your own interests, your own opinions, your own feelings and beliefs.  But maintaining honesty and respect means you are planting good character for yourself.  The result will be a life without regret.  Keeping great values bring high self esteem, and self confidence. 

If both parents and youth plant well then both will enjoy the rewards of good character, growing spirituality, positive relationships, and significantly less trouble than your friends are having.