Attachment and Your Child

Written by: Allison Bates, M.S.

A secure attachment is the foundation for a child’s responses, their interactions with others, their expectations of you and the family as a whole. When a child is attached to a parent, they are significantly less likely to have reactive outbursts, the child is often more likely to be comfortable expressing their emotions and have higher self-esteem.

Regardless of if you have a secure or insecure attachment with your child, there are many ways to create or increase this, moving forward! Below are some ways to improve a parent/child attachment:

• Eye contact when communicating
•  If you do something unkind or hurtful (yelling/lashing out/going back on a promise), even accidentally, apologize to the child
• Greet and say goodbye to your child (even if they don’t seem to be interested). Your child might appear disinterested as a way to hide their distress.
• Monitor parent reactions to a negative situation. If your child spills something, we often as parents get upset. The child often misinterprets the frustration as anger at them and might be more hesitant to come to you with a problem the next time.
• Discuss your child’s emotions with them. Helping them label and process their emotions can be beneficial in improving parent/child relationships.

Below you will find several resources if you wish to learn more about building and retaining a healthy attached relationship with your child!

Resources

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201703/how-raise-securely-attached-child
• Attachment Theory and the Brain: An Interview with Dr. Daniel Sonkin

Books

• Attachment-Focused Parenting: Effective Strategies to Care for Children
• Parenting From the Inside Out