How to Talk to Your Teen ( Part 1 )

Written by: Stephen Walters, M.Div., M.A.

Recently, I became a parent to a teenager. Now, I have been his parent his whole life. However, I understand that our communication needs to evolve from how I spoke to him when he was 3 and how I need to speak to him as he is now 13. This is a little scary to me since our conversations are becoming more mature and independent based. He has different concerns and is making different decisions. So, I thought it might be helpful for me (and you too) to think of some tips on communication. Since this can be overwhelming, I will break this into 3 blogs. And, since it might be helpful for our teens to know somethings, later this year, I’ll finish 2025 as “The Year of Communication” by giving tips to teenagers who need to talk to their parents.

1. Avoid Lecturing. This can be hard, so I am starting with it. Often, communication is about imparting thoughts and coming to conclusions. That can be difficult in a lecture environment. Our teenagers are trying to figure out how to be adults. Sometimes we need to offer direct guidance. Sometimes we need to listen. In most cases, we do not have to lecture. Save the lectures for when they are necessary so that they can be more effective.

2. Be Active in Listening. Active listening is when I listen not to react, but to respond. When you need to discuss something with your teen, let them talk. Do not interrupt and do not build your “counter arguments.” Listen so that you can repeat what you have heard. Then, after repeating, ask them if you missed anything. This allows you to respond better and allows your teen to feel heard.

3. Validate instead of Correct. We were once teenagers. While they face a lot of challenges we didn’t (I didn’t have a supercomputer in my pocket or worried about my worst moments being on social media), we still had similar feelings of anger, worry, anxiety, and pain. So, empathize with the emotions they have. You do not need to correct them or say “you shouldn’t feel that way” or “don’t let it get you down.” Validate the feeling, empathize with how they are feeling, and then seek to support them.

Here are a few tips to get started. We’ll pick back up with Part 2 soon!

In the meantime, if you need additional help or resources, The Summit is here for you. Please reach out if we can support you in any way!