When the Whelm Becomes Too Much
Written by: Kara Holmes, M.A.
Whelm. It isn’t a word used often in its most basic form. Usually, whelm is accompanied by its descriptive forerunners – “over” or “under.” But whelm is in fact its own standalone word, a verb that is verifiable by its dictionary definition, “to submerge, engulf, or bury.” The noun form of whelm means “an act or instance of flowing or heaping up abundantly; a surge,” and elicits a picture of the whelm of the surging ocean tide, forcefully and sometimes destructively impacting and changing whatever is in its path.
Life has a similar dynamic to the ocean. Just as the ocean is continuously shifting and changing, teaming with activity and fluidity and change, life itself is continuously and dynamically in a state of flux. We as humans experience these shifts and changes, moving from states of underwhelmed, overwhelmed, and sometimes, just plain whelmed.
Starting in the womb, we each develop at our own pace and through our own experiences a certain level of resiliency, the ability to bend and mold and strengthen through the twists and turns, the ups and downs, of life. But even the toughest of people cannot always withstand the surging whelm of life on their own. There are seasons for each of us when the whelm becomes overwhelming to a degree that an individual must rely on the strength of others to hold them up and to walk them through the painfulness and difficulties that life can bring.
How do you know when the whelm becomes too, well, whelming? When do you know it may be time to elicit the help of a professional? Here are a few reasons that might mean it is time to schedule that appointment.
When the situation feels consuming: When a situation becomes consuming, it is as if it overtakes every crack and corner of your life. This can result in impairment in more than one area of functioning– relationships, work, school, recreation. What you once found enjoyment in may now leave you feeling empty. Sleep may be evasive, and your appetite may be gone. The effort it takes to concentrate may be too much. You may be overreactive, quick to anger or impatience, or the opposite, tears and emotional breakdown. In these seasons, feelings are difficult to unravel and thoughts can become irrational, even harmful. Eliciting the support of a professional can help you sort through the stressors and triggers, the thoughts and feelings, to find your way back.
When you feel there is no “end” in sight: South African theologian and priest Desmond Tutu says, “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all the darkness.” Hope is that intangible desire or longing for what may come. When we hope, we are able to press on and press in, even in the most painful of circumstances. But sometimes, the flickering flame of hope seems to be squashed by the crushing darkness. In these seasons, when hope is elusive and you only see darkness and pain, it may be time to seek the support of a professional.
When you feel like giving up: Struggling to find hope is one thing, but despairing is another. When a person feels despair, they are completely devoid of hope, and the only solution they may see is to give up completely. If you find yourself contemplating suicide or self-harming in any way, this is a clear reason to seek professional help immediately. It may be that you’re in need of a professional to walk with you in the darkness, to journey alongside you in the pain, and to stay with you through the season of suffering, so that you find the “other side.”
Seasons come and go, and as Heraclitus said, “The only constant in life is change.” No matter where you find yourself on the “whelmed” continuum, remember that you don’t have to do it alone. Lean on your people, call on your tribe. And when it feels too much, reach out to a professional for help.