2 Tools for Effective Communication

Written by: Troy Law, M.A.

Every single individual on earth is constantly communicating, but they may not be communicating effectively. Often, we grow frustrated with our efforts to get our point across to others or when we try to fully comprehend others, but we retreat because of a lack of success. Our frustration comes from problems in knowing how to correctly use the tools of communication. The essential requirements or tools of communication are speaking and listening.

Speaking is the verbal part of communication, which is the talking with the mouth, that many are so eager to do. There is also the nonverbal part of communication, when we speak with our body language, facial expressions, and other gestures. Listening is the silent tool in communication that sometimes many of us fail to do. However, listening is the most essential tool of communication because it is the way that ensures that the message spoken is received correctly and understood.

To begin having more effective communication, ensure that you are speaking the most important details that you want to convey. In most cases, it is how you feel about a situation or how the situation made you feel. Although many times we talk about what the other person did, this is not the heart of the matter. What is most important is that you convey how the situation made you feel. Do this in a short and concise manner, starting with the I statement, “I feel…” The listener should then ensure they are listening by reflecting what was said by the speaker to make sure they understand. Simply use a statement such as “It sounds like you feel…” or “So you’re telling me that you feel…” If the listener is incorrect, simply say how the situation made you feel again with emphasis placed on your feelings. When the listener has fully understood, then the two parties can address the individual’s feelings together and correct the matter. This method brings validation of the emotion into the relationship, which will breed closeness. When communication is done more effectively, it will make communicating more easier to do and enjoyable for everyone involved.