And They’re Off! Emotionally Preparing for Middle School

Written by: Samantha Scalabrino, M.A.

It is that time of year again when we acknowledge our children’s hard work and celebrate their transition from one chapter of their life to another with graduation ceremonies and parties. While the word “graduation” typically evokes thoughts of high school or college-aged students, the elementary school children with whom I work are also preparing to leave the comfort of a long familiar place and move on to the unknown territory of middle school. They have recently been sharing with me their mixed feelings of excitement and anxiety about what is to come next year. I created a packet of information for them to answer their questions, provide guidance, and hopefully put their minds a bit more at ease. This is a condensed version of those tips.

• Organization Skills: Being organized can help you keep track of assignments, save you time, and reduce stress.
  • Use calendars, assignment notebooks, and planners for assignments, to break down larger projects, and to study in small parts over several days. Color-code categories of assignments for easy visual cues.
  • Decide how to divide your schedule of classes into binders, folders, and notebooks. Will you use one large binder with dividers for each class? Or one binder for the morning classes and another for those in the afternoon?
  • Color-coordinate notebooks and folders for each class.
  • Keep your locker, binders, backpack, and other bags clean. Use long weekends and school breaks to clear out old papers and broken or used-up supplies. Physically keeping your space clean will help strengthen your mental focus.
• Time & Task Management: You will be managing multiple teachers’ instruction styles and learning several different topics of information every day. There will be more tests and quizzes to manage than in elementary school. Therefore, managing your time well will be important.
  • Use due dates and their impact on your grade to prioritize assignments.
  • Take planned breaks from studying so you do not get burned out. Use timers to know when to take breaks.
  • If listening to music while studying helps you focus, use songs without lyrics like movie and video game soundtracks.
  • Figure out if you are a visual or auditory learner. If you learn better by seeing information presented to you, you may study well by creating flashcards. If you learn well by hearing information, you might study better by being quizzed by a parent.
  • Teachers often offer study sessions for extra help, either on regular days during the week or before tests. Take advantage of these sessions whenever possible.
• Build a Routine: Consistency will help you develop focus, structure, and a sense of control. This can, in turn, help you feel more productive and reduce stress.
  • Set an alarm clock to get up at the same time each morning. Give yourself plenty of time to get ready. Allow a little extra “cushion” time in case you oversleep or something else unexpected happens in the morning.
  • If you will not be getting school lunch, prepare your lunch the night before so it is one less thing to deal with in the morning. The same idea goes for showers: if you tend to run late in the morning, you may want to shower the night before.
  • Charge your laptop each night! Teachers expect you to have a fully charged computer every day, especially for tests. Do not assume you have enough battery life and will wait to charge it when it gets low.
• Communication & Conflict Resolution Skills: Confrontation can be difficult but is often important to help resolve conflict before it escalates and causes more problems. Properly talking about what happened can also decrease stress, help you realize your emotional triggers, and strengthen your bond with the person with whom you argued. Speaking calmly and respectfully to one another is a skill that can be difficult even for adults to master so please give yourself some grace when practicing these points.
  • Ask yourself before making a comment, “Is this helpful or will it create drama?” If the answer is “drama,” consider if it is your place to say anything at all.
  • It is best to talk in person to avoid miscommunication. It is quite difficult to understand a person’s true intention and tone of voice through a text or email. Going through other people also causes confusion.
  • Do not air your conflicts on social media. What is posted on the internet is forever—even if you delete it, it is never truly gone. This goes for texts and emails, too.
  • It is helpful to try to understand where the other person is coming from. Empathize that they may also be trying to manage difficult personal situations of which you are unaware.
  • Always disagree respectfully. You want to be respected, too. You both have a right to your own feelings and views which may not always align.
  • Engage in active listening. This means that you fully pay attention to what the other person is saying when they are talking.
  • Use “I Statements.” Take ownership of your feelings instead of using an accusatory tone of voice to express why you are upset.
  • Take responsibility for your actions that may have contributed to any of the conflict or miscommunication that occurred. Be ready to apologize. Saying “I’m sorry” is important to repairing a friendship and is a strength, not a weakness.
• Self-Advocacy & Self-Care: Middle school is a time of heightened emotions, changing expectations, and an increase in responsibilities and independence. This can all feel overwhelming, so it is important to make your mental health a priority. Taking care of yourself will help keep your stress level in-check.
  • It is OK to ask for help. If you are having difficulty in a class, reach out to your teacher for extra guidance. If you feel you are struggling socially or emotionally, ask to speak to the school counselor. Bullying is not tolerated, and you should ask to speak to the assistant principal for your grade or the school counselor about this if you experience it. You are not alone.
  • Leisure time is important for your emotional well-being. Taking a walk, reading, creating art, listening to music, talking with a friend, and engaging in a peaceful mindfulness activity are all fantastic ways to take a break.
  • A breakfast of fruit and protein will provide your body and mind the fuel it needs to focus and learn. Meals and snacks should include lean protein, healthy fats, whole grains, fruits, and vegetables. Drink plenty of water to keep hydrated. Sugar and unhealthy fats will give you quick energy but leave you feeling tired.
  • Your body needs between 8 and 10 hours of sleep each night. When you are well-rested, you will generally be more focused and concentrate better in school.
  • Regular exercise helps with concentration, and it decreases your risk for future health concerns.
  • Limit screen time so it does not interfere with your study time. Log your screen time if you think you are spending too much time on a phone or tablet.
• Leading up to the First Day
  • Tour the school. Your middle school will offer a chance to come in before the first day to locate your classes and practice your schedule. Ask for a map of the school if you feel that would be helpful, too.
  • Over the summer, purchase a combination lock and practice opening it before school starts. Take a picture of the combination or write it down somewhere secure at home because you may forget it over long school breaks in the future.
  • Review your school’s rules about technology. Most middle schools ask that you leave any phones/devices in your locker during the day and do not allow you to text during school hours, even to/from your parents. Your parents can call the school if they need to reach you (and vice versa).

To the future middle school student: Not all these points may apply to you. You also do not need to make changes right now based on all of the ideas listed. See which points feel most valuable to you and focus on those. Take them one step at a time. Most importantly, have fun enjoying your summer. But if you or your parents notice that you are falling behind in a class, or you are suddenly feeling overwhelmed in school (which may be a new experience for you because you handled elementary school so well), review this list and see if there are any areas that could use some attention. Good luck, and enjoy middle school!