Addiction: A Family Disease
Jennifer Acker, M.A.
You may have heard Addiction referred to as a disease of the mind and if you have ever been around someone addicted to a substance like alcohol or drugs you have seen and heard how their thinking has changed and how they do act different from before. When the brain is the sick organ due to the substance use the addicted person’s thinking and behavior are the symptoms.
The same is true for family members and loved ones of the addicted person. Although they may not use a substance just by being in relationship with an addicted person, their thinking and behavior changes. This phenomenon is referred to as a “parallel process” and the signs and symptoms often mimic each other. Below is a chart outlining these parallels.
| Symptoms | |
| Addicted Person | Loved One |
| Preoccupation | |
| The repetitive, excessive, obsessive focus connected to using behaviors | Inability to focus on other things.
Experiences intrusive thoughts about the substance user
|
| Increased Tolerance | |
| As our bodies get used to the feeling; it requires more for a similar effect | Allowing behavior you previously would not.
|
| Loss of Control | |
| The inability to stop using when or cut back on use | Controlling Externally = Losing Control Internally |
| Denial | |
| Thinking and believing one does not have a problem.
Blaming others for their use Rationalizing and Justifying use Minimizing the amount of use or the impact of use on themselves and others |
Ignoring or rationalizing away signs of trouble
Blaming other people and circumstances for their loved ones use Attempts to explain or justify ones behavior/attitude with logical plausible reasons – even if untrue. |
| Compulsive Behavior | |
| Feeling driven to repeatedly engage in destructive behaviors despite negative consequences
Engaging in the behavior reduces the craving or preoccupation
|
Feeling driven to engage in compulsive behaviors. (snooping, eating, spending money)
Engaging in this behavior provides a sense of control
|
| Medical Problems | |
| Physical problems escalate
Problems related to unsafe practices, accidents and injuries may become more frequent Liver issues, GI issues, STD’s, Falls, etc.
|
Stress-related health problems (autoimmune disorders, migraines, blood pressure, etc.)
Less apt to prioritize own health issues due to focus on substance user
|
In this addictive family system, the disease becomes the organizing principle in which family members structure their behaviors and reactions around. The family becomes unpredictable, chaotic, and frightening.
You may think “if only they would change, things would get better”. What we don’t realize is that we have the power to change our own attitidues and actions in response to the addiction. Addiction makes family members believe they can control the addict but there is hope in realizing the only person one can control is oneself and from that you reclaim your life. It is not that you stop loving the addicted person, it’s that you learn to love them differently.