How to Talk to Your Child About School Shootings

Written by: Alyssa Kiss, M.A.

It grieves me to be writing this blog regarding a topic that so deeply affects our students, parents, school staff, and community today. The anxiety and confusion surrounding school shootings is prevalent for us all. This is made more impactful after the September 4th shooting in Barrow County, Georgia. The impact from that event reverberated throughout our state. Students were feeling and still are feeling the collective anxiety and chaos of the day of and the days following.

This topic can be a difficult one for parents and school staff to navigate. It can feel complex, confusing, and frustrating for many trying to guide their children through this experience. As a mental health practitioner who works in the school system, I share in the feeling of helplessness that is echoed by many parents and school staff. It can feel that there are inadequate resources or help to provide your student. This can lead to shying away from discussions surrounding school shootings. Even without adequate answers and resources, just beginning a conversation with your child can be so helpful. Yale Medicine says it best by stating that “your ability to listen calmly to your children’s concerns is one of the most powerful ways of helping them feel safe and secure.” Below are just a few tips for how to engage in meaningful conversation with your student.

1. Reflect on Your Emotions First. Before bridging the topic with your child, take time to experience your own emotions surrounding the school shooting. Parents and school staff experience a range of emotions in the aftermath of a shooting. It can be helpful to spend some time processing and regulating yourself before starting a conversation with your child.
2. Start the Conversation. These kids are looking for adult guidance and support surrounding these topics. They are hearing news and rumors surrounding the shooting and the aftermath. It is important, as a parent or school staff, to be the ones to initiate a conversation around this subject.
3. Be Curious and Be Honest. Begin the conversation by asking your child what they already know about the school shooting. Leave space for your child to express their feelings and ask questions. Be honest with them about the facts of the event and avoid sharing false information.
4. Validate their Emotions. It can be really helpful for a child to be reminded that their worry, concern, and anxiety are normal and valid reactions to a school shooting. Spend some time validating their experience and how they are processing it.
5. Guide Consumption of News. Consuming too much information regarding events like school shootings can cause increased stress, anxiety, and secondary trauma. In the age of social media, children have access to videos of firsthand accounts of students inside schools during the shooting. Consuming videos like this can deeply impact students and their mental health. Provide guidelines and education for your child about the frequency they are looking at news and what type of media they are looking at.
6. Continue the Conversation. It takes time to process a situation like a school shooting. By continuing the conversation, you allow your child to come back around to the subject as they process and learn more. Checking in on your students’ processing of the event can also help alert you to the need for more support such as counseling.

References: https://www.yalemedicine.org/news/school-shootings-talk-with-kids