What “Tantrums” Can Tell You

Written by: Caroline Buttrey, M.S.W

Tantrums are often loud, messy, and emotionally charged, but they’re also incredibly important. While it may look like your child is “just trying to get attention” or “being difficult,” tantrums are a form of communication. Young children (and even some older ones) don’t yet have the emotional vocabulary or regulation skills to calmly express what they’re feeling, so their bodies take over. Behind the stomping, screaming, or crying is usually a deeper message: “I’m overwhelmed,” “I don’t know how to cope,” or “I need help.”

In many cases, tantrums are triggered by transitions, unmet needs, or sensory overload. For example, a child may melt down after school because they’ve been “holding it together” all day, masking their challenges. At home, where they feel safe, all that pent-up frustration spills out. Sometimes, the tantrum isn’t about the broken crayon or the wrong color socks, it’s about feeling powerless, exhausted, or misunderstood.

Tantrums can also be a signal of developmental needs. If a child has difficulty with emotional regulation, attention, or impulse control (such as ADHD, anxiety, or sensory processing issues), they may be more prone to meltdowns. These aren’t bad behaviors; they’re signs that your child’s brain is still learning how to manage big feelings. The good news is that tantrums are an opportunity for connection. By staying calm, validating your child’s emotions, and helping them name what they’re feeling, you’re teaching emotional literacy and building trust.

The next time a tantrum happens, take a deep breath and ask yourself “What is my child really trying to say?” Whether it’s “I need a break,” “I feel out of control,” or “This is too much for me,” listening beneath the behavior can turn a meltdown into a moment of growth. With consistency, empathy, and clear boundaries, kids can learn to navigate their emotions with more confidence and fewer outbursts over time.