ADHD: Is My Child Lazy?

Written by: Korina Calbay, M.S.

Parents of children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) question their child’s motives. They are at a loss of how to address their child’s behavior and let their frustration dominate the power struggle of parenting. ADHD is a mysterious developmental disorder that can present itself in a variety of clients. ADHD tends to be more diagnosed among men than women which can contribute to ADHD being underdiagnosed in women. The criteria for ADHD must be met before the age of 12 years old. Even adults are becoming diagnosed later in life and have a coexisting diagnosis such as autism or generalized anxiety. ADHD can be seen as a hindrance, but an ADHD brain just functions differently than a neurotypical brain. Many celebrities have ADHD, including Walt Disney, Adam Levine, and Channing Tatum. While each child navigates their daily functioning with ADHD differently, there are several ways in which a parent can set up the structure for a child with ADHD to thrive.

Dopamine, Dopamine, Dopamine

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter and a hormone designed to be the “reward system” for a person when they accomplish a task that makes them feel good. People with ADHD have a difficult time managing challenging tasks with a shortage of dopamine and usually shift to a task that is easier. The phrase, “My child is lazy”, or, “My child is dishonest” is often mentioned by parents of ADHD children. Children with ADHD get overwhelmed easily and cannot remain as disciplined because dopamine does not always regulate higher levels of functioning. Completing a class project or chores around the house can seem like a daunting task. Therefore, parents will need to provide structures such as:

• Transition out of school activities after coming home. Give them the choice to engage in an activity that maximizes the feeling of being rewarded. Some ideas are eating a snack they enjoy, listening to music, or going on a walk before the next activity. Burning off extra mental energy can provide benefits, but visual stimuli like television or social media are less beneficial.
• Bring a designated “bored box” to school. This box can be filled with appropriate activities to do in their seat during class time. A fidget toy, stress ball, or putty are some examples to put in the box for your child to bring to school.
• Take breaks often. Instead of establishing the expectation of completing a task in one sitting, let your child take breaks and revisit the task at hand. This can allow the child to take a break in a rewarding manner and reduce feelings of frustration with completing a task.

Establish Clear and Defined Expectations

Creating and enforcing expectations for your child do not always produce the perfect outcome, but children with ADHD appreciate consistency to prevent confusion or anger. Here are some easy to remember principals that you can practice, as provided by Dr. Matt Zakreski:

• SCOOPER: Same place, Clear instructions, One more time, On time, Perform the task, Evaluate, Reward. When outlining expectations, be in the same vicinity as your child. Repeat yourself with clear instructions and an established deadline. Give them feedback for improvement if needed and provide a reward.
• OHIO: Only Handle it Once. Assist your child in prioritizing tasks that they are able to accomplish immediately. The fleeting thought of, “I can do this later” can turn into never getting around to it. A task that can be dealt with in the moment will reduce the chances of missing it later and have the to-do list pile up.
• Establish a routine. Create an hour by hour schedule for the weekdays or weekends at home. While outlining times for schoolwork and chores can help, penciling in organized free time wherever possible can build up anticipation for rewarding moments.

The hope is that by having established guidelines for a growing child, you can set the scene for them to thrive. There will be moments of imperfection, but children appreciate consistency and will feel less confused if you implement a system sooner than later. Every child has different needs, and the parent-child relationship is a collaboration that can be rewarding for the family as a whole.