Hormones of Love and the “Three-Year Itch”
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
Research shows that people get a surge of pleasant hormones early in a new romantic relationship: dopamine (the reward hormone of excitement and pleasure), oxytocin (the trust and attachment hormone), and norepinephrine (similar to dopamine and increases the sense...
Are You Being Selfish or Is This Good Self-stewardship?
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
“You’re so selfish; all you think about is yourself and what you want! You never think about me and what I might want!” “You’re so inconsiderate. Do you have any idea how that affected me?” “You’re so caught up...
Brain Health as Aging Adults
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
The notion that brains continue to develop through age 25 has been popularized in social media and popular news outlets. While it seems that the Prefrontal Cortex does continue to mature until that time, the entire brain continues to...
Living with Guilt vs Living with Gusto
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
A few years ago, I intercepted one of my sons as he was descending the staircase and heading outside. He explained, with a guilty expression on his face, that he was going to go outside to smoke a cigarette....
This Didn’t Take God by Surprise
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
So often, our circumstances seem to sway the level of contentment and joy we experience in our life. Every day, I hear of some circumstance that has turned someone’s world upside down. Cancer (their own, their child’s, their life...
Monkey Bars and the Normal Grief of Living Well
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
In playgrounds, there used to be a structure called the Monkey Bars. I believe they’re too dangerous to be included in most public spaces anymore, but they were the test of endurance and strength (and bravery) for an entire...
Excuses, Excuses: How to Move from Defensiveness to Understanding in Relationships
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
Fred: “What’s the big deal, anyway? Why do we have to keep rehashing this? Just let it go!” Joan: “No! I can’t just let it go. You hurt me and all you do is keep making excuses!” Fred: “But...
Self-Esteem and Self-Actualization versus the Transcendent Self
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
In my counseling practice, I am often asked about the importance of a healthy self-esteem, and how to get a “better” one: “My performance (in school, in sports, in social situations) suffers because I don’t have enough self-confidence. How...
A Hole in Your Heart: Living with Grief and Loss
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
I was talking with a client the other day, let’s call her Julie (not her real name), about the recent loss of a relationship which had affected her deeply. Our conversation went something like this: Me: The final stage of...
Healing from Divorce
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
The old Greek poet named Menander said, “Time is the healer of all necessary evils.” More modern authors have altered the proverb, “Time heals all wounds.” Just because something is a proverb does not make it true. Some researchers...
The Tyranny of “Shoulds”
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
Shoulds abound in our lives. We hear them everywhere: from both outside of ourselves (family, friends, culture) and inside our own heads. “I really should do…” Or “I should have done…” or “you shouldn’t.…” “Should” is a tyrant, a...
Secrets Destroy
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
There is a big difference between privacy and secrecy. Privacy is when someone goes into the bathroom, locks the door, and comes out 5 minutes later. Everyone knows what you’re doing, you just did it with no eyes watching,...
Training the Mind: “Think on These Things”
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
I have a client who came in highly distressed because she feared she was about to have an affair: “I was at work the other day, and I was looking at a male coworker. I wondered what it would...
Metaphor: The Book of Your Life – Part 3: The Characters in Your Story
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
In previous blogs, I encouraged you to view your life as your own unique story, written by only you, although influenced by your family of origin and other significant relationships. In today’s blog, I’d like to explore the influence...
Metaphor: The Book of Your Life – Part 2: Your Unique Story
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
“All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts,…” -Shakespeare Who are you? I once attended a seminar during which the participants were asked...
Metaphor: The Book of Your Life – Part 1: An Introduction
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
In my practice, I often use metaphors to illustrate many truths which can be applied in people’s lives to promote understanding, healing or enrichment. One of my favorite metaphors, which underpins several others, is the notion of the “book”...
Respectful Parenting – Part 1
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
I am privileged to be the mother of 3 young men ages 24, 22, and 19. The blessing came only after a 4-year struggle with infertility wherein I went through almost every fertility procedure known at the time to...
Self-Stewardship
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
Self-care has almost become an art on social media where one can find hedonistic ways of pleasuring one’s body with massages, products, and procedures, as well as indulgent ways of pampering one’s soul with romance, hobbies, and other pleasant...
My Plate is Too Full – How to Manage Stress and Anxiety
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
Right about now, Covid fatigue is setting in. According to Dr. Kotwicki of Skyland Trail in Atlanta, statistics from his psychiatric facility are showing an increase in anxiety-related admissions (2020). Many people are being admitted for physical manifestations of...
The Path to Reconciliation
Alice D. Hoag , Ed.D.
“I’m sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me.” These words are often cited as facilitating the process of forgiveness. While helpful, they are woefully inadequate when attempting a reconciliation in the face of serious wounding and betrayal, such as...