Alice Hoag

Grief, Trauma, & Loss

Monkey Bars and the Normal Grief of Living Well

December 1, 2023

In playgrounds, there used to be a structure called the Monkey Bars. I believe they’re too dangerous to be included in most public spaces anymore, but they were the test of endurance and strength (and bravery) for an entire...

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Couples & Relationships

Excuses, Excuses: How to Move from Defensiveness to Understanding in Relationships

July 17, 2023

Fred: “What’s the big deal, anyway? Why do we have to keep rehashing this? Just let it go!” Joan: “No! I can’t just let it go. You hurt me and all you do is keep making excuses!” Fred: “But...

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Mental Health

Self-Esteem and Self-Actualization versus the Transcendent Self

July 14, 2023

In my counseling practice, I am often asked about the importance of a healthy self-esteem, and how to get a “better” one: “My performance (in school, in sports, in social situations) suffers because I don’t have enough self-confidence. How...

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Grief, Trauma, & Loss

A Hole in Your Heart: Living with Grief and Loss

July 14, 2023

I was talking with a client the other day, let’s call her Julie (not her real name), about the recent loss of a relationship which had affected her deeply. Our conversation went something like this: Me: The final stage of...

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Couples & Relationships

Healing from Divorce

January 17, 2023

The old Greek poet named Menander said, “Time is the healer of all necessary evils.” More modern authors have altered the proverb, “Time heals all wounds.” Just because something is a proverb does not make it true. Some researchers...

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Families

The Tyranny of “Shoulds”

October 25, 2022

Shoulds abound in our lives. We hear them everywhere: from both outside of ourselves (family, friends, culture) and inside our own heads. “I really should do…” Or “I should have done…” or “you shouldn’t.…” “Should” is a tyrant, a...

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Couples & Relationships

Secrets Destroy

August 5, 2022

There is a big difference between privacy and secrecy. Privacy is when someone goes into the bathroom, locks the door, and comes out 5 minutes later. Everyone knows what you’re doing, you just did it with no eyes watching,...

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Mental Health

Training the Mind: “Think on These Things”

April 12, 2022

I have a client who came in highly distressed because she feared she was about to have an affair: “I was at work the other day, and I was looking at a male coworker. I wondered what it would...

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Helpful Articles

Metaphor: The Book of Your Life – Part 3: The Characters in Your Story

January 14, 2022

In previous blogs, I encouraged you to view your life as your own unique story, written by only you, although influenced by your family of origin and other significant relationships. In today’s blog, I’d like to explore the influence...

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Helpful Articles

Metaphor: The Book of Your Life – Part 2: Your Unique Story

January 14, 2022

“All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts,…” -Shakespeare Who are you? I once attended a seminar during which the participants were asked...

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